Self-love Series: Love the Process

by | May 22, 2024 | Beauty, Boudoir

Text by Ramona Kossowan, Certified Women’s Empowerment Coach, Gentle Trauma Release Practitioner, and Fitness Trainer

Photos by Claudia Tecuceanu, Creative Portrait Photographer

Dear women,

We embarked on this self-love series from the launching point of actually getting yourself ON your priority list (not in the scribbled footnotes or the discarded second page of “nice to have” that never happens) so you’re not functioning like a robot in survival mode.

Our next step took us to setting the intention of self love by first establishing what your specific  needs are for physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self-care. Among the ways to love yourself, resisting the urge to take on too much too fast can be powerful and sustainable while respecting your capacity.

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You are HERE. Next is the process of discovering ways to love yourself.

How do you move toward the outcome you desire?

That will be specific to you. We’ll get to that shortly!

Often the women who seek my support are looking to revitalize themselves emotionally, mentally and physically after divorce, life transitions, or trauma. Here’s what some of those women are saying. Perhaps you can relate to some of this?

“My body (energy, mobility, shape, weight, strength or endurance) is not where I’d like to be.”

Ok so you’re not having as much fun as you could be with your amazing body and the cool things you want to experience. 

Who doesn’t want the energy, strength, mobility and endurance to do whatever the heck you want for as long as you want to be able to do it? For me that might look like jet skiing with my kids on holidays like a bad a%s, white water rafting or bombing down the waterslides without fear of falling apart into sorry little pieces. 

For you that might be pickleball, chasing kids or grandkids, or just climbing the stairs without sound effects.

This means you’re probably not putting on your flattering clothes and strutting around like you own the place and instead you’re nitpicking your “flaws”, while your low back happens to be killing you. 

I’ve been there!

“I feel guilty about what I should be doing or should have accomplished by now.”

PFFFT, guilt shmilt. Woman, you’ve done E-N-O-U-G-H. Probably too much!

By the way, here’s guilt’s ugly stepsister:

“I look after everything and everyone before myself, and I don’t feel supported.”

No shade to actual step sisters here… just a little Cinderella reference 😉

I know it’s easier said than done to ditch the guilt, but it serves no purpose unless you’ve actually done something harmful that you need to stop doing, or make amends for. That’s not usually the case. 

Illegitimate guilt runs rampant with women today, in spite of the strides we’ve made in empowerment.

FYI guilt is often linked to trauma, and the unconscious need to earn your worthiness. If you chronically self-neglect, over-give, over-perform, and over function in your relationships, this is something to get curious about. 

You can access a free resource, the Gentle Trauma Assessment here.

“I feel too much stress and upheaval in my life right now to take care of myself.”

Dear woman, this means you’re probably in survival mode and need self care more than ever, however that will look completely different for you than for a woman whose life is going pretty ok or even great. 

This is why I love being a trauma aware and trauma-equipped fitness coach, because hitting the gym, taking up hill sprints, or a restrictive diet are probably NOT what you need right now. I know a better way and can customize a path that gently moves you forward as your capacity increases over time until you’re feeling like yourself again, or even better.

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Do you have a goal or outcome that you desire for your physical, emotional, mental or spiritual well being?

You can refer to the Choose You Mini Self Care Challenge  if you missed that, to help you define your unique needs right now.

What if we start your journey with your body and explore some of the ways to love yourself?

When you feel strong, mobile, energized and confident physically, this will spill over into every aspect of your life

Other than Gentle Trauma Release, this is one of the best ways I know to produce an IMMEDIATE change in your state.

Start with your body, and you will change your state. Don’t overthink, just start with small actions.

From your first workout, walk, stretch, or nourishing meal, you’re changing your state, mood and thoughts tangibly

To keep this going long term the process matters.


 You’re going to live in your body long term, right?

Here’s my 4 part framework to empower your body physically, which will by default empower you emotionally.


1- Building strength.

As a woman, one of the most POWERFUL things you can do to protect your quality of life is to strength train. 

The opposite is frail, which, of course, sucks. Frailty is inevitable as a woman ages if you’re not prioritizing strength, so let’s not let that happen. 

Strength training is not just for a specific body type, aesthetic goals (although you’ll look hotter too) or athletes.

ALL WOMEN need strength.

You’ll do best of course with a program customized to your body and goals, at least to get you started. Please don’t try to force exercises, schedules or methods that you loathe or aren’t right for your body. You won’t sustain it. 

Women I train (both in person and virtually) are crushing it over forty, fifty, and sixty even while working around old injuries or health conditions. Work with a coach, trainer or program that’s suited to your body, goals and lifestyle and FEELS GOOD to you.

2 – Choosing movement as part of life (vs cardio or fat blasting). 

What if you chose a type of movement you enjoy, just to live in your body and be present in your glorious ability to move? Movement = life. 

Have some fun with it!

3 – Building mobility training into your lifestyle.

This doesn’t have to be yoga or just “stretching” per se, but if you don’t protect your mobility you lose it, which also sucks. Once I started learning specific mobility training skills, which I use with my clients, it was LIFE CHANGING. Working out no longer equaled pain. Just existing in my body no longer equaled pain.

4 – Noticing how nourishing food makes you feel, and bringing that awareness and appreciation as you fuel your body.

Without jumping on a diet, building a foundation of mindful, loving, nourishing eating habits sets you up to enjoy life while also feeling in control. This can be tweaked and fine tuned of course, but for most women this is a huge WIN. My next certification will be to help women cultivate a healthy relationship with food, and I will take on at least one woman as a case study. If you’d like to be considered, please message me here.

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Are you getting a clearer picture of what this physical self care process might look like? Don’t worry, you don’t need to go “all-in” or dedicate excessive time to these action steps.

If this 4 part framework speaks to you, grab a spot on my VIP waitlist so you’ll be the first to hear when my pilot program Energized and Empowered Woman is released. I’d love to share this with you!

For some of my clients, it could look like this:

  • A 15-45  minute virtual strength session 2 x per week with body weight, bands or dumb bells.
  • A 10-20 minute virtual mobility training session after training or any time of day that works for them 2 x per week.
  • Setting some habit goals like protein, hydration and fruit/vegetable servings.
  • Choosing activities as part of life like walking, biking, swimming, bowling, golfing or dance that fit into your life and interests.

If you’re taking baby steps, pick just one thing from this list of ways of love yourself and establish that until you’re solid and it’s a non-decision most of the time. 

You’re far better off to start small and sustain, vs going all-or-nothing which just doesn’t make sense in real women’s busy lives.

Then, you can expand and add something else now that your capacity has increased, you feel successful, and you’re enjoying the process instead of feeling overwhelmed.

After sustaining and building on these small steps over time, you’re literally becoming a different version of yourself. Your process becomes a part of who you are, and you dig it!

A more self-loving version of you emerges, because you’re showing self love with actions and proving to yourself what you’re worthy and capable of.

You’ll be so proud of yourself, and so will I!

If you’d like to be a part of the Energized & Empowered Woman movement, claim your spot on the waitlist here.

About The Guest Blogger

Your life is your choice. 

Will you live by default or by design?

Acclaimed fitness professional and personal empowerment coach Ramona Kossowan has walked the talk. Intentionally taking control of her life at a point when she felt directionless and disempowered, she left behind that familiar place of exhaustion and self-sabotage, transforming herself into the strong, confident leader she is today.

It’s never too late to make that change.

Now, as the founder and CEO of Ramona K Coaching, Ramona is passionate about helping others make that same profound difference in their lives. Your ultimate well-being is her priority, and the results are real and readily accessible.

Certified in the Gentle Trauma Release Method, Ramona compassionately guides you to heal any debilitating feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness holding you back from the vibrant, limitless life you deserve.

You will reconnect with your truly amazing authentic self and feel fabulous in your own body again.

It’s time to reclaim your power!

Connect with Ramona:

About The Photographer

Claudia Tecuceanu is a fine art Calgary portrait photographer that helps women rediscover their authentic self and take ownership of their femininity.

As matriarchs of their family, women give a lot of themselves to their loved ones. Most of the time they are worried that life passes by, and they don’t even exist in photos that reflect who they are. 

Claudia connects with women and offers them a unique and transformational portrait experience, where they feel supported from start to finish. By the end of their time together, women feel empowered and connected with themselves and their purpose. Plus, they have beautiful photos that they truly love.

Connect with Claudia:

Hi! I’m Claudia

~ Calgary creative portrait photographer ~

I offer a transformational portrait experience for the visionary women who want to reconnect with their deepest self, as well as capturing special moments between family members and creating authentic branding photos for professionals.

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